US

Us is where the darkness came creeping,
I've seen the holy angels weeping,
The vast empty space between those eyes,
I dont intend to fill them with lies,
To understand to take your hand,
On my knees i am wishing looking
Up to the sky,
I've realized the essense of time,
You are my one gold dime.

in my next life ...

I'd like to be a flower in my next life and i'd spread laughter everywhere and face the sun's rays whit a smile ..when i die ...some lost soul ...in crushed spirits should take me to a krishna temple and throw me at KRISHNA'S feet where i find my final resting place ..JUST FOR A DAY ..

DARK CLOUDS CHURCHGATE MUMBAI

THE BIRDS REJOICED

SHE CAME TO SAY HELLO

ALL DRENCHED IN THE RAINS ..SHE DECIDED TO STAY FOR SOMETIME..

Bringing back life to life.

At the cost of my own, I will regain,

They will not rest till I see her again,

I want that life back,

I hope to reclaim from the Kingdon Of GOD,

or from the deepest part of Hell,

I wish to bring her back from the ashes will rise,

Will mould from the melted wax,

Shape it with my own hands,

A place where time stops,

Celestial lightblinds all senses,

I'm there at the muddy banks,

The spirited calmness like at the river bed,

The soul purified by the light divine,

Body purified by fire,

The vast empty space like a parched land inside me,

An ocean of tears less,

I stand alone inside myself,

Waiting bound by time,

My eyes they will not rest,

they do not tire,

I see with my eyes closed.

Holding on to hope

Every single morning i wake up to prayers,

holding on to the simran,

with expectations in my eyes , 

Tears pouring from the skies,

Each day i pray,

To the god inside me ,

Holding on to hope,

faith is the Bird that sings when its the darkest,

Truth has no definition,

False, Fake, allegations.

Set on fire

I dont believe you, Are a liar,

I've set the empty bed on fire,

All the time spent together,

The understanding of unspoken,

It was a dream and i've been woken,

The beautiful moments of life shared,

Honestly they never cared,

I stand here to see and look,

For few missing pages of my book,

I've been greeted with silence,

All emotioons show signs of violence,

I've changed they argued everyday,

I used to . . . I would . . they say,

I may say a thousand words true,

Bottom line is i still have to pay,

Little do they know,

I lack the hope tonight,

Its the last blow,

Rage got me face to face with sanity,

A piece of my own sword,

Inflicted a wound on me,

I dont believe it has changed,

NO. How can it be,

You have made up your mind,

And you then turn blind, someday i'll find,

The missing pages of my book,

I love you, i'm not a liar,

On death bed lies all desires,

You set it on fire

Life and Next life.

What is it I asked myself,

Raise my hand and hang my head,

I feel threatened to ask for HELP,

An ocean of desires against a rocky shore,

Thoughts spinning through what was before,

A few beautiful things over which I wept,

Beautiful dreams through which I slept,

All seasons came for a reason,

I looked up throught a small window from prison,

Evening sky smeared with emotions,

A bird dived into the ocean with burning wings,

In my next life, it will again sing.

peace plea: verbal remedy

How much time before its peace,

Maintained a dignified silence,

Of persistance verbal voilence,

The reality cut my existance,

For what it is worth,

Together lets come forth,

Friendship does have limits,

When we crash the zone of comfort,

We cant take back once said,

Or can we,

They said the worlds round,

We are standing on shaky grounds,

It'll come back to us around,

spinning the wheels of destiny,

For the future lets save a penny,

I speak only the words of the world,

Behind falling walls I hide,

With all my senses tied,

4 years rolled past fast,

It is irrespective of time,

You are my "one gold dime",

Close your eyes to see,

Things that raged of late,

I might just wait,

At heavens gate.

.

.

.

Peace. Please ( with folded hands )

They said...

"Should anyone be afflicted by a sin, it behoveth him to repent thereof and return unto his Lord. He, verily, granteth forgiveness unto whomsoever He willeth, and none may question that which it pleaseth Him to ordain."

"To none is it permitted to seek absolution from another soul;let repentance be between yourselves and God. He, verily , is the Pardoner, the Bounteous, the Gracious, the One Who absolveth the repentant."

"When the sinner findeth himself wholly detached and freed from all save God he should beg forgiveness and pardon from Him. 

Confession of sins and transgressions before human beings is not permissible, as it hath never been nor will ever be conducive to divine forgiveness."


"Moreover such confession before people results in one's humiliation and abasement, and God--exalted be His glory--wisheth not the humiliation of His servants. Verily He is the Compassionate, the Merciful. The sinner should, between himself and God, implore mercy from the Ocean of mercy, beg forgiveness from the Heaven of generosity . . . ."


StIlL I Do ......

In My Memories Lives Her entity.

13th of January 2005.

She survives in my memories and comes masked to me as my dreams. I hope she is happy where ever she is .

I saw her there where she left me,

Where the truth stood still,

A place near the muddy banks,

In her painting beside the hills,

Today time stops for her and me,

Our world goes falling free,

Life moves on as the memories fade,

Promises are broken and new ones made,

My tired mind still thinks,

Overworked and is on the brink,

Fading memories come back in flashes,

Sometimes,

It becomes very tough to face it with grace and dignity,

In my memories lives her entity.

Its not working

G :- what is not working ??

G :- Relationship ??

NO

G :- the internet ??

NO

G :- ur phone???

NO

G :- then what ??

I DONT KNOW.

G :- What do you mean You dont know??

I mean i dont kno .

G :- Mr.A....what is it ???

ITS NOT WORKING ..

G :- are you goint to tell me whats not working ??

. . . . . . . .. . . . . . .

G :- :-

ITS NOT WORKING.

G :- This is the last time i'm asking you WHAT IS NOT WORKING ???

G :- what what what ???????

. . . . . . . . . . . . . ..

G :- fine then, Dont tell me .

OK WAIT I"LL TELL YA ..

G :- tell ..

OK here's the deal ....i was talkin bout the ring that she gave me ...i thought it had the dark powers and was trying to use it ..

G :- OH! MY SELF ur crazy ...

I guess i am ....

G :- WELl then that makes you a HOBBIT ...lol

WELL yeah ..i guess ..n se doesnt need a man in her life ..so i rather be a HOBBIT ..n take my chances ....ha ha ha ..just kiddin ..i swear ..m kiddin

G :- ARJUN ....

ya tell me ...

AND ALSO SHE SAID SHES SELFISH AND SAD N I DONT UNDERSTAND that...

G :- but how can ya understand that ...

Exactly ..i mean ..i'd like to question the understandibility of the understanding ..and if i am to believe that shes all that i mean selfish and sad and cranks ..who is rude and always pissed ..where ppl make her sick ..then ...

G :- Then what ?????

THEN she can understand that I am AMITABH BACCHAN ...is that understandable ..??

G :- YOU ARE A MINDLESS FREAK

NOW am i ..but how can i understand all that and be a friend ....I CANT UNDERSTAND THAT ...I SIMPLY CANNOTTTTTTTTT ..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..i men how can i understand all that ..she nice and a beautiful human being ...its the time that is pathetic not me and certainly not her ..

G :- WELL I HAVE A DIFFERENT VIEW. You must know that you have to learn to love yourself first then and only then you can love others . Yes love is unlimited but it has to be pure. Learn to love yourself first. I reside in you. Hope you understand that. You may need to be a little self loving first not selfish but self loving. If you cant love yourself you cant love others ...TAKE NOTE ...

BESIDES WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I want everyone to be happy. that includes everyone.

G :- GOOD THEN BE IT. HOPE. YOU ARE FRIENDS RIGHT ...

YES WE ARE FRIENDS FIRST ..

G :- " Friends First " ????

yeah "FRIENDS FIRST"

G :- or is it just friends ..

NO its 'Friends first " not "just friends"

G :- you sure ...???

yes ...

G :- well then good luck ...

thank you GOD ..

Sea SIDE

On the marine drive near where I live, at occasional intervals along the picturesque seaside path, there are some beautiful odd benches to sit on. With the sea on one side and the concrete jungle of skyscrapers lining the other. Between the stark contrast are these seats. Not generally provided by the BMC , but by relatives who wanted to provide a memorial to their late departed loved one.

I know that, because they generally have engraved concrete plates on them: "IN MEMORY OF LATE SHRI. LAKHICHAND MAKHIJA, WHO LOVED THIS STRECH", "IN MEMORY OF LATE MADHU , WHO LOVED THIS PARTICULAR SPOT", say even, in one of the uninspired case, "TO ARJUN".

Some of these benches under the shade of the trees lined up along the marine drive are quite useful. I have very often used them myself as a place to tie up my shoe laces , or to sit on and draw and write notes of stuff going round in my head during a train ride from Bandra to Churchgate.

I have found from experience that my mind goes into freefall or freespree more easily on a train ride or a bike ride than anywhere else in this world, and I get some really inspiring and beautiful thoughts up there on the footboard of the fast local train hanging out rather dangerously with the strong sea wind against an 100kmph train brushing and pulling my skin and cloths, same for the bike ride except i'm not hanging out but speed racing the other cars unknowingly.

Indeed, some of my good , bad , bright , wicked , foolish, pure and evil ideas that has changed my life for the better or for the worst first saw the light on one of those concrete planks.

So, if by any chance there is a little money which I may aquire in future as a results of my decisions that I thought of here at this very spot between now and my death I would like you to arrange a bench or a plank which you may buy with my money and dedicate it me along this strech of road called the marine drive.

And i would want you to get these words carved in them " IN LOVING MEMORY OF BANZ WHO HATED THIS PLACE BECAUSE THIS PLACE WAS ALWAYS OCCUPIED WHEN HE GOT HERE TO ENJOY THE VIEW AND REFLECT" .

Well this is not a great thought but an idea on how to spend the little money that I may earn and save some for the future.
Oh ! Yeah !

Last letter, end note.

My Dearest Friends, 

May god forgive me for my weakness but I can't outrun the memories that haunt my soul. As each day passes my nightmares become more intoxicating. Now disappear is all i want to do. 

As years passed my memories began to fade until that fateful day when I saw my past in her eyes. I saw her there where i put her, where she left me. 

My past was killed. 

Until death she was conumed with fierce hatred. When I close my eyes to see her, her eyes look different from usual.

Burnt existance is what I feared,

That look in her eyes made it Clear.

Forever and ever.

P-E-A-C-E