-- I hope this letter find you on a day filled with happiness and sunshine. I took a lot of time writing this letter as I wanted to be absolutely honest with myself and then only I could be honest with you. I wish I could take your pain away, my dear friend. I wish I could take your hand and make it all go away and leave you with the life you want. But I can’t. So here I offer a few thoughts for you. Maybe this will be helpful. I don’t know.
When I think about you as a person I feel that You are beautiful and brave, and you are stronger than you know, even though sometimes you forget that but you give so much love to the people around you, and I've been lucky to be around so many years.
This I have to say
What kind of person I am where I would doubt a genuine person like you. That is the worst thing to do. You have been an open book yet I have not been able to understand you completely. You are a woman you have your ways. But if I am not able to see the most simple of things then certainly there is something wrong with me. I have realized that. Your friends i have immense respect and I know and strongly believe is your source of happiness and outside world which is very important for a healthy mind. It happens a lot these days and i see it, even when you think I can’t.
Only a very lousy person would not make an effort to be with a woman like you. I failed to see one thing that there was that you were sad. There are some people out there, who understand your exact pain, and there are people who just understand pain enough to care and listen and love.
Since the time you moved back to the farm life has been all work for you. There must have been a million times that you felt what i believe and I will repeat once again that you always have been and i have seen the zeal for truth inside of you that resonates all thing around including me as you are around me. Now that you are trying to change for the better or for the worst or you may say as to ease the pain and feel better will in turn compromise and assault the lovely memories of the remarkable person that you are. Such a change does not equal the strength and strong will power.
Many a time I have seen you making me smile even in the darkest hour and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.
We are of a certain age now. And I realize that when I find myself telling myself to respect your decision.
On my work
I yawn a lot and don’t remember stuff. I run around like a dog chasing its tail. I have managed to keep my work separate from my personal life. Even though sometimes I found it to be hard and some of the tension spilled in and ruined the peace. I have learnt it the hard way. I have quit drinking I drink only twice a week and I must say I enjoy drinking but I have controlled it.
On my fears
There is a lack of understanding between people sometimes on how death, loss, and separation, experiences impact lives. They are not all embittering, as we might believe. If life is a context for living life with your loved ones, and I believe it is; we just happen to learn a great deal more from what is difficult, than from what is not. I had dug myself a hole. And I fell in it. Mine however was in my mind, I had dug this hole over years and I confess that this is not a vacuum but a hole in my mind. I have finally managed to climb out far enough to get a footing. I have realized that the proper way to have pain is to sit with it, to feel it, to let it hurt a little, to let it work its way through us and become part of us, because that’s how we become better people and this I have learned from you.:-)
On hating the wicked witch: You
You always foil my plans. When I speak to you or when I meet you, when I am all by myself and I look up to the many people around me and think about you. I realize that Life has been as difficult for you as mine, and that you sometimes had the bigger share of tears. My heart immediately softens. Sometimes I plan to hate you. Why are you ruining my plans wicked witch?
Life is beautiful and I don't want you to be depressed whatever may be the reason. I pray that you will find relief from all the problem that you are facing. Just tell me what I can do to help. Life is beautiful and I don't want you to be depressed whatever may be the reason.
I don’t know if my letters helps, maybe not right now, but later. Anyway, I’m here for you, just like you’re here for me. And again, I’m so sorry.I too can be soft when you wrap your arms around me and squeeze for a genuine and loving hug when we see each other.
I want you to know that I consider myself to be lucky to have you as a friend.
God bless you. I love you.